How to start again.
I have always been taught that life is an ever changing, ever moving, totally experiential thing.
Not only that, I also believe that each of life’s chapters serves to teach us something.
If you’ve spent any time with me, you might know that I often speak about our experiences as ‘chapters’ or, more recently (thanks to Taylor Swift) ‘eras’.
There are many many themes that intersect this conversation:
Belief (in self and in something greater)
Fear (of failure, of success)
Control
Productivity
Purpose
…I could go on.
But there is nothing quite like the chapters in life where everything you know, everything you identify as or with, and every creature comfort that you have built around you, is turned inside out and upside down.
This could be anything…many things.
Divorce, the birth of a child, a health diagnosis, a change of job, career, location…I’m talking about those times where all of a sudden, you feel thrown into a current that you can’t swim in.
In the thick of those times, it's absolutely brutal.
Yes, there are times where we’re not quite out of one chapter and not quite into the next - those times can feel frustrating, boring, confusing. But when we’re talking about the MASSIVE life changing moments where everything is suddenly different, never to be the same again - oof. Those times will humble you faster than a humbling thing.
When I became a mother earlier this year - I was thrown into one of these chapters. And as I make my way back to business, to my clients and to some version of myself, it feels really fucking hard. Really really fucking hard. Expletives and repeated words very much meant.
There isn’t any solid ground left from what was before, not really. Because I am different, my life and its priorities are different, so are my resources and so is my sense of purpose.
Everything that once was has been forever changed. I have no option but to choose to start again.
And oh my word, I can’t tell you how terrifying that has felt. The enormity of it. The pressure I feel to get it right. The confusion about what it is I actually want now….all of it.
But, start again I must. Because what existed before is a closed chapter.
Sounds harsh, but it's true and in these times, the sooner we make peace with that fact, the better - because it's only then that we can start to focus on where we’re heading next.
I’m off the starting blocks now, and on my way forward. So let me share with you the key things that have helped me to start again, again.
Slow Down : when we’re facing a total re-start, our brains will most likely kick into overdrive, panicking and speeding up our thinking and our reactions as it frantically searches for something familiar to hold onto, to find a sense of safety in. In moments of starting again, and starting anew, it's critical to slow down. By all means, have a 5 year horizon for your goals and dreams, but as you begin again, go slow. Narrow your focus to the day, week, month ahead. No more. Take it one day at a time, take it slow. Remember that you’re only in the race with yourself anyway, so focus on putting one foot in front of the other in the right direction, instead of frantically running every which way. This is a constant battle for me, which every day (sometimes several times a day) means stopping, and deep breathing for a few minutes, to bring me back to the present moment.
Keep it Simple : similar to the above, beware of the temptation to throw the kitchen sink at your life as you start again. Be aware if you feel a pull to max out your credit card, to max out your social calendar, to scroll on your phone for hours and hours each day searching for reassurance. Again, it's normal to feel these things, but stay conscious that they only serve as a distraction and to fill space. In times of starting again, you need to protect some space in your life for new things to come into place and settle. Space also allows us to get grounded, especially when life has been thrown into chaos. For me, keeping it simple this year has been as basic as a framework of non-negotiable self care (in early postpartum it was a shower, my skincare, and a walk - that was it - that was success for me for weeks and weeks).
Accept Help : when you’re starting again, it can be tempting to isolate yourself. If you’re anything like me, you might feel so desperately uncomfortable with the lack of control you feel you have, that you want to keep everyone out of your life until you figure some stuff out. Don’t do this, I implore you. Allow the people you trust into your circle so that they can support you. Let them bring you energy, or groceries, or company, or coffee while you’re feeling strung out. Let them love you and help you, and trust that what is showing up in your life is meant for you and is all in the right timing, order and sequence.
Look Up : When we’re facing life shattering changes, and having to start again, we tend to navel gaze, to go within, to ruminate on everything and nothing as we try to work out what's happening and what to do next. Embrace this by all means, but remember also to get out and look up. Whatever inspired you before will still inspire you now - when you’re ready, seek it out. It might be the hustle and bustle of the city, it might be the peace of the breeze through the trees in your local park, it might be the comfort of baking or the physical boost of climbing a big hill (a metaphor….no?!) Inspiration is like a lighthouse for your soul - when you feel a spark of it, follow it, and where it leads you can’t be wrong.
The essential link between all of the above, and every single chapter of your life - is YOU. You at your core, at your essence, your truest truth - your soul. When everything around you is swirling chaos, trust that there is and always will be this part of you, anchoring you in truth and supporting you through the hardship. The steps above will help you to reconnect to that part of yourself, one step at a time.
Thank you for reading, I am so grateful that you’re here.
Heather x
