Rebuilding myself with this one simple truth.
Hello and welcome to my first Fierce Friday since April 2024!
I’ve been on maternity leave, raising my twins, treading the line between thriving and surviving. It's been quite the time!
As you will have noticed, my return to writing brings with it a new structure - I’m choosing to share blog posts with longer form content, which you can access from my emails and also directly from my website. This is for 2 reasons…
First, because I want to create more lasting content and give it a proper place to live in my corner of the internet. Second because I want to evolve the Fierce Friday emails into something a little more varied and digestible. As ever, it's a work in progress, so we’ll see how it develops!
What is top of mind for me right now, is navigating my return to business, after extended time away from it, when my life, and me myself, has forever changed. On the one hand, I am red hot keen to get back to work, to serve my clients, to connect with you again. It's been a north star for me throughout my maternity leave - something I’ve held on to when the rest of my world is unrecognisable and I yearn for a time that feels familiar and known.
And, I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do, or how I’m going to do it.
In the small hours of the morning, I find myself asking - when my life is now dominated by motherhood and the joy, love, mess, and demands of raising 2 small beings - where is the space for me, let alone for the work I am called to do?
I get an immediate, fear based response from my mind whenever I contemplate what ‘work’ might look like now. Not dissimilar to blind panic, if I’m honest. LOL
Because, let me be real, the transition into parenthood has been a relentless thing.
And as I try to write the follow up sentence for that, my hands freeze over the keyboard and my mind spins. How do you put it into words, and also honour it for what it is? How can I share my truth, in all of its chaos and glory?
There will be another time where I can expand on how the first 6 months have been, but for now, the freezing and spinning says enough - there’s clearly a big part of me that doesn’t feel ready and grounded enough right now. And that's ok.
AND - I am ready to reclaim the part of me who works, who serves, who writes, who creates, who holds space and leads. Because she is part of me too.
She has been patiently holding my Fierce energy a few paces back, while other parts of me were up front, leading and learning the new. And now, it's time to bring my Fierce self back to the front and let her lead again sometimes.
Motherhood, running a service-based business, and the thousands of other elements that make up being ‘me’ are complicated and always shifting and changing.
And it's that constant shifting and changing that seems to be MIA from so many narratives about how life gets to be for us.
We are fed information that leads us to believe that once we reach a destination, a goal, a certain point, we’ll feel better - more settled, like we’ve completed it.
And what happens after that? Nobody really talks about that. Because the truth is, once you’ve climbed one mountain, you look up and realise there are infinite other mountain peaks all around you that still need to be climbed.
And this can feel exhausting.
The mountain peaks of business are endless - grow your revenue, your client base, your followers, your qualifications, your team, your services….
The mountain peaks of parenthood are endless also.
And the mountain peaks of self development are no different - master your mindset, clean up your diet, read the books, go to the events, hope on the new trend, keep on chasing.
But when we are pursuing it to try and eventually ‘complete it’, we’re doing it wrong.
There is no completion, only evolution. One thing leads to another, to another, to another.
The point is not to get to the destination, it's to immerse yourself in the journey along the way.
(Ick and overused phrase, yes, but also TRUTH!)
At this stage in my life - personally and professionally - I try to remember to make moves from a place of curious evolution, instead of being driven to pursue. To ease into the next version of you, instead of pushing towards it. NOT EASY for me.
But, one simple thing has helped.
As I’m easing back into work - I am regularly tuning into my breath and my body. Yes, really.
If I’m hunched forward, shoulders up by my ears, frantically opening one screen then the next, and scribbling on my notepad like a woman possessed - it's no surprise to find that my breath is shallow, tight in my chest and doesn’t feel enough. Any tasks, thoughts, plans or schedules I try to put in place from there are built on chasing, on needing to complete the next thing, to achieve, to pursue.
But if I sit back, allow myself to be supported (energetically and literally - by my chair) and breathe deeply, consciously, everything feels better. Calmer, expansive, settled.
In a few deep breaths, my Fierce self takes the wheel again. And when she makes moves from a grounded, connected place - it's always the right one.
The truth is, I don't have all the answers. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I don’t have a clue yet about the how and the when. It's going to be a slow unfolding which will challenge my patience like nothing ever has (apart from parenthood, amirite!?)
But, what I do know is that I am still me. I am still Fierce.
And, I am in an era of life that demands a new approach - an expansiveness that accepts lack of control and really, truly, trusts herself and the process of life.
What comes next, will come in its own sweet time, and for now, I’m leaning back, allowing myself to be supported, and remembering to breathe deeply.
From there, I know what comes next can only be good.
More to come soon.
I am so grateful that you’re here.
Heather x
